Give yourself some grace
To create a wedding that truly fits you and your partner
As we slowly move towards the holiday season, we are reminded of all the goals we had set for this past year. The ones we completed and, more often, the ones we didn’t. Goals like losing weight, spending more time with family and friends, goals that will help us to finally reach that much sought-after balance in our lives, goals that will help us make a difference in this world, …
Now I don’t know about you, but if I have reached half of my goals of 2016, I will already be extremely grateful. This time of year, right before Christmas, I see so many people becoming a tad bit depressed. Even my bubbly and optimistic self feels the weight of these shorter days and longer nights. I’m not quite sure why, but it feels as if we all put so much pressure on ourselves to perform year after year, to reach these crazy goals we set ourselves each January, and right before Christmas we are reminded of all these things that we didn’t get around to doing.
Well, I am here to tell you to give yourself some grace!
Appreciate the little things
Lately, I have started to really appreciate a US-holiday that is celebrated in this gloomy time. Yes, I’m talking about Thanksgiving of course. Right in the middle of this period that we all feel a little bit more down, I see my friends in the US who are celebrating with their family and loved ones and who are using this holiday period to remind themselves of all the things they should be grateful for.
Even though we don’t have this holiday in Europe, I think we can use this as an example for our own lives. You may not have reached that one goal you were so passionate about last January, but there are so many other little things in your life that you could be grateful for. Having a wonderful partner to support you, having family and friends to make you feel cherished, finally getting that job or internship you always wanted, or even something small as being able to decorate the Christmas tree in a few weeks’ time. I know that always cheers me up!
Give yourself some grace
We all need to learn to give ourselves some grace every once in a while. The pressure we put on ourselves can be inhuman sometimes. Even when planning a wedding, I have seen so many people being overwhelmed by all the things they think they should do, even when they might not want to do them.
I’ll explain this through a little story…
Last year, a woman came to me about her wedding. Let's call her Mona. Mona was in her fifties, a friend of my mother's, and getting married in an intimate setting with her and her husband’s closest friends and family. Now, Mona's husband-to-be hated dancing... And while she didn't mind having an opening dance, she didn't particularly want one either... However, she was really struggling with the fact that an opening dance seemed like a must for a wedding and she didn't know what to do.
This may be true for you as well, or you may struggle with an entirely different part of your wedding, but what it comes down to is that it’s OK not to do something if you feel really uncomfortable doing so. All Mona needed from me, was to hear that she could give herself permission to try something else. In the end, she decided on doing something different and none of her guests felt like they had missed out on something because their wedding day was a natural reflection of themselves.
Giving yourself grace also means giving yourself permission to think about other options, options that will feel more natural to you and your partner.
Imagine they had done an opening dance instead. They would have felt super uncomfortable all day, they might have let this dance loom over their entire wedding just because they were dreading the moment they would have to perform, their family and friends would have noticed something was amiss and the dance itself might be faltering because they felt so out-of-space doing this.
They decided to do something that felt natural to them instead, and I really believe they were able to enjoy their wedding day more because of it. So whatever it is that you are (secretly) dreading about your wedding, ask yourself if there is another option that might feel more natural to you and your partner. After all, this wedding should be a reflection of the two of you and the love you have for each other.